Why I should be captain:

• I, like the great Alex Mann, do a jobless degree, so have plenty of time on my hands to spend on my captaincy. Said degree also sometimes means I have certain skills which I may use during captaincy.
• I want to play varsity.
• I can type 160wpm, so I will be good at email writing.
• Outstanding commitment to the team – Spo through and through with a great appreciation for Sporadic heritage.

I promise:

• To win varsity.¹
• Not to lose a game of Bâton Vé Croix.
• To raise a new generation of Sporadics freshers with the same love and affection that the previous generation did.
• To fund a Private Jet to Uzbekistan for the team when my AI B2B SAAS earns millions.
• To create a Sauna Social.

My aims:

• Keep playing solid liquid hockey.
• Push for promotion.
• Learn to aerial 50m to continue Spoball legacy.
• Get DOD for triple hattrick avoidance.
• Wear Shinpads.
• Bring back post away match Saturday side quest.